


Wherever you hang your hat...

by Lord_Risley



Series: Discovered [14]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom John, Drunk Sex, Inappropiate use of a santa hat, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex, Top!lock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4801190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Risley/pseuds/Lord_Risley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I .AM. NOT. HAVING. SEX. LESS. THAN. TWO. METRES. FROM. YOUR. PARENTS." Every word was annunciated and punctuated, his tone definite...His body less so, it was betraying him as it often did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherever you hang your hat...

"Don't you just think we should tell them Sher?" John hissed as they stood on the doorstep to Mr and Mrs Holmes home. 

Sherlock scowled at the Christmas wreath, flicking the red velvet bows with his fingers. "Christmas is bad enough without having to sit there like some freak show while Mummy and daddy grin inanely at us, asking horribly personal questions" 

John took a deep calming breath, almost second nature to him now. "I like your parents, your parents are nice,clever and supportive, they love you no matter what you do or who you bring home for Christmas" 

"Have you been reading the counseling leaflets from your little Doctors surgery again? I've never heard so many cliches or meaningless platitudes in one sentence John" He scoffed and started to dismantle the little golden bells next. 

The rather imaginative array of swear words was lost in the sound of the door being opened and Sherlock's mother almost singing with excitement at the sight of them both there.  
"You came" 

"Obviously" Sherlock muttered and got a sharp jab to the ribs from his right. 

"Hello Mrs Holmes, It's so kind of you to invite me here for Christmas, I'm really looking forward to it" John held out a hand to Mrs Holmes but engulfed in a hug instead. 

Sherlock stood to the side, sniggering and using the opportunity to sneak past the couple and into the house, thereby saving himself from the hated parental affections. John finally emerged from the hug looking a bit ruffled and with a pink lipstick mark upon his cheek, it matched the blush on his cheeks quite nicely. 

"I'll show you boys upstairs. I've been doing laundry and airing out all the rooms, your brother arrived this morning Sherly, He's in his old room...." She led them up the stairs past an array of family portraits, each containing two scowling Holmes boys. "Sherlock I found some awfully odd things under your bed but I remember how annoyed you used to get when I cleared the cobwebs so I left it all alone, any chance you could let me clean it when you leave?" She opened the bedroom door and smiled at him. "John dear, you’re just across the hall" 

"How convenient" said Sherlock, smirking to himself and dropping his small bag on the bed. He only did it because it made John blush even more, the pink cheeks becoming red now. 

"Thank you Mrs Holmes" he mumbled, scowling across at his boyfriend and entering the incredibly pink room with frills on every available surface and edge. "Looks very comfortable" 

"Mulled wine downstairs in half an hour and I will not take no for an answer!" She sang at them before disappearing 

Sherlock stared through the two open doors as John gaped at the pink duvet on the pink bed that was up against the pink wallpaper which was nicely illuminated by a pink lampshade. "It's so...you" 

"Piss off" 

Sherlock made a dramatic (and very fake) gasping sound. "John Watson, you just swore in my parents house" 

"...Shit. I mean....balls, what do people say when they want to say piss off but they're in their boyfriends parents house?" 

Sherlock pretended to think, tapping a finger against his lips. "Usually most people say....No thank you, I really couldn't, ten cups of tea is my limit" 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even John was amazed at how very persistent Mrs Holmes turned out to be. He was on his sixth glass of mulled wine and feeling decidedly drunk. Sherlock was lolling to one side and only being kept upright by the side of the leather armchair. Mycroft had escaped two glasses ago and last been seen grabbing onto the banister as he tried to climb the stairs with his feet and not on all fours. Mr and Mrs Holmes look a little pink around the cheeks and the odd innuendo between them makes them giggle like naughty teenagers. At the suggestion of yet another glass, John has to protest or he's going to hungover for the whole of Christmas day. "Can't. Bed. Late. Santa. Love turkey" He attempts to look as sober as possible as he stands up, something always guaranteed to make you look completely drunk. He sways on the spot, pursing his lips and trying to focus on the curly haired man opposite him. "Bed Sherlock" 

"There's an invitation" Mrs Holmes snorts which in turn makes her husband chuckle 

"Noooooo" John attempted a sober sounding voice again and failed miserably. "His bed, me in mine, yup. Nothing gay here" He shakes his head, tapping his lips and dragging a rather limp Sherlock to his feet. 

The two of them leant against each other, giggling, snorting and doing an odd, uncoordinated little dance up the stairs that managed to keep them both upright and without suffering carpet burns to their face. There's a moment in the hallway, a moment of longing looks, hands wandering a little further south than necessary, the cat dashing through the hall with half a mouse in its mouth... 

 

An hour later and the Holmes house is silent. Everything is still...except Sherlock who, having spent the last forty eight minutes cursing his decision to feign a single life, had decided Christmas Eve night should be spent with John, holding John, kissing John...and preferably shagging him too, that would improve Christmas hugely. 

His bedroom door creaked, the hallway floorboards squeaked, Johns bedroom door creaked, an owl hooted and had a brass band marched through the bedroom it would have sounded less suspicious right now. He poked John with a finger "John. Wake up...John...John...John" He repeated at two second intervals until a hand flapped madly about, followed by a sleepy snuffling reply. "Go 'way. Tired" 

Sherlock pouted, he didn't often get turned away by John, a little manipulation on his part was usually sufficient to get the desired response and that would have to be the case now. "John" He started in a much softer voice, pushing his boyfriend over so he could lay beside him, clinging to the edge of the small bed. "It's Christmas, I don't want to sleep alone..." He pressed his lips to the back of John's neck. "Please?" 

"Fine" John muttered, edging up to the wall to afford him a little more space. Sherlock bounced along happily and pressed up against John innocently, hugging , spooning...and pressing his erection against Johns naked backside. 

"… I hate you" 

"I love you too John" 

"I really hate you" 

"I love you more" 

"Your parents are next door!" He hissed, moving his lips back a fraction. 

"I can be quiet" Sherlock whispered, lips to Johns ear 

"You've never been quiet in your bloody life. The first time we had sex Mrs Hudson called the police!" He edged back a little more. 

"Okay...I can be loud. I don't care. I want you John" He whispered again, tongue flickering at the shell of John's ear. 

"I .AM. NOT. HAVING. SEX. LESS. THAN. TWO. METRES. FROM. YOUR. PARENTS." Every word was annunciated and punctuated, his tone definite...His body less so, it was betraying him as it often did. He was starting to roll his hips against Sherlocks, pushing forward into Sherlocks warm hand that was wrapped around his erect penis and-...wait, when did that happen? Shit, he was drunk, and now he was drunk /and/ horny . "Downstairs....it's as far away as we can get and maybe I can gag you with a Christmas cracker" 

"Now John.." Sherlock was already up, at the door and trying to drag John with him "You know how I feel about you gagging me, body parts only" 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Seven minutes later and they were a writhing, heaving, sweaty mess of a couple in the throes of good (Slightly drunk) sex, sprawled on the rug in front of the dwindling fire that gave the only light to the room. At some point Sherlock had Jammed a Santa hat on John's head and Johns foot had struck out and hit the Christmas tree but it had survived, just a few ornaments falling to the floor, the fairy tumbling into the fireplace. 

Sherlock's hips pounded against his lover, a wonderful sound of flesh slapping flesh filling the room but not quite muffling John's grunting moans as he was pulled upright, Both men on their knees now, Sherlocks chest to Johns back as they fucked harder and louder, the bobble on the Santa hat whipping back and forth. 

 

Mycroft had awoken first, though quickly followed by his parents, all of them meeting in the hallway in dressing gowns and slippers, Mrs Holmes with a set of rollers in her hair. The group were convinced they were under attack or about to catch burglars in the act of trying to steal Christmas from under their noses. They had charged en masse into the living room, flicking the lights on and then coming to a sudden and dramatic stop, bumping into each other 

"Yes, yes, yes, YES!" John bellowed as the lights came on and he was faced with his boyfriends entire family. 'Possibly they might know he's gay now' was the first thought to rush through his mind a second before 'Oh shit, I think I'm-' and he came across Sherlock's hand that was curled around his cock. A panting, post orgasm brained Sherlock did the only thing he could think of...He reached up a sticky hand, pulled the Santa hat from John's head and hung it neatly over his spent cock.

**Author's Note:**

> So another silly little one for the 'discovered' series. Thanks to Dion (Who I think I misspelt) for the idea and making me do it, Hope you like it :)


End file.
